j0233982  Essay #1 Draft 1-2 Activities

Draft 1-2 Peer Response  (to be done in-class, do TWO peer responses, a third counts as extra-credit).  Reply to the author’s post in the forum to do your peer response.

 

 

1.    RESTATE what you hear as their thesis.

2.    List what you see as the main supports (main REASONS).  Write them as Topic/Transition/Linking sentences (like in the examples on the back).

Example: First, I believe Ismene acts morally because she tries to save her sister.


3.    Look at the use of quotes to build support on the example paragraph on the back.  POINT to the paragraph in your peer's draft that seems to be building the best support right now. Why do you think it is strong?  (Can you see three secondary supports using quotes from the text?)

4.    POINT to the paragraph that seems to have the weakest support. WHY?

5.   5. What questions do you have for the author? What MORE did you want or need to hear at this point?

 

 Complete ALL peer response by the end of the day today (if you don't finish in class).

 

Writer’s Review Draft 1-2
(This should be done on Tuesday or before class on Wednesday.  Do this Writer's Review after you have completed your own peer response and after you have received some peer response. (If you don’t get peer response, do it anyway.)  Read and consider the peer response you get. Post it as a REPLY to your own draft. 

TOPIC: Look back at the specific tasks you performed as you wrote draft 1-2.  Consider the peer response you have received, and think about our final draft due on Friday.  What do you consider to be problems or questions you have right now about your draft?  What do you need to do to answer these problems/questions? What are two of the most important things you need to do as you revise this essay?

(Length—150 words minimum)

Homework for Wed 2/6:  Complete peer response. Do the Writer's Review. Work on your essay. Review in your handbook the conventions regarding punctuation (read/skim through the punctuation section). Look again at the essay requirements carefully.
Final draft of Essay #1 2/8: 


 

bd05378_Logic and Argument: Primary and Secondary Supports

Two examples of Claim + Primary Supports (reasons)

Q: What is a significant theme in Hamlet?

Q: Was Haimon acting morally by opposing his father's policies?

A: (thesis) The most significant theme in Hamlet is the theme of "seems" vs. "is."

A: (thesis) Despite all appearances, Haimon was immoral in his opposition to his father.

PS#1: First, the theme about honesty emerges over the question of whether Hamlet is truly mourning or faking it.

PS#1: First, Haimon's actions are immoral because Haimon falls from his position of respect for his father.

PS#2: In addition, we can clearly see the theme of "seem vs. is" in the early scene where Laertes is leaving for France. 

PS#2:  Additional evidence for Haimon's immorality lies in the selfish motivation behind his actions.

PS#3: Further evidence showing the theme of "seems" vs. "is" can be seen in the character of Claudius and his guilt or innocence.

PS3: Finally, and most importantly, Haimon acts immorally because his suicide was an immoral act to punish his father

 

Primary Supports need Secondary Supports and Detailed Evidence

                In addition, we can clearly see the theme of "seem vs. is" in the early scene where Laertes is leaving for France.  The question most dealt with in the scene is what is the truth regarding Hamlet’s love for Ophelia—is it true love or is it dishonest love?  Laerte’s directly advises his sister  not to trust Hamlet’s love:  "For Hamlet, and the trifling of his favor,/ Hold it a fashion, and a toy in blood,/ ... Forward, not permanent, sweet, not lasting,/ ... No more" (I,iii, 5-9).  Hamlet’s love is characterized by Laertes as not being real love; it is a "trifling," a "fashion," a "toy," rather than a true love that would be "permanent" and "lasting."  Laertes goes even deeper into the appearance of Hamlet’s love and works to convince Ophelia that she is wrong to apprehend it as true:

Perhaps he loves you now, ... but you must fear,

His greatness weighted, his will is not his own,

For he himself is subject to his birth:

He may not as unvalued persons do,

Carve for himself, for on his choice depends

The sanctity and health of the whole state,

And therefore must his choice be circumscribed

Unto the voice and yielding of that body

Whereof he is head.  (I, iii, 13-23)

Despite all appearances that Hamlet may love Ophelia, Laertes stresses the fact that he could never marry Ophelia, making his "love" something that is not "real"—that is, something that could result in marriage.   Further evidence of the theme of "seems vs. is" can be seen in Ophelia’s father’s questioning of Hamlet’s love as well.  When Ophelia begins to argue with her father that Hamlet appears to be "tendering" her true affection, Polonius expresses his doubt:

                        Ophelia: My Lord he hath importuned me with love/ In honorable fashion.

                        Polonius: Ay, fashion you may call it, go to, go to.

                        Ophelia: And hath given countenance to his speech, my lord,/ With almost

all the holy vows of heaven.

Polonius: Ay, springes to catch woodcocks. ... these blazes daughter,/ ...

you must not take for fire.  (I, iii, 110-120)

The key word that Ophelia uses is "countenance."  Hamlet may seem to be in love with Ophelia, but Polonius considers Hamlet’s outward "showings" of love only to be "springes," or snares, to seduce Ophelia.  As in other places in the play, we can see in Laertes’ departure scene that the theme of "seems vs. is" is clearly apparent.